Welcome to Sophie's Nature Art!

(Note: This post also interrupts my explanation once again from the wide and narrow path)

Hello dear readers,

I would like to introduce you to a very personal project today. It has been on my mind for a long time. I have spent many hours working on it and have revised it over and over again. Even now I'm still fine-tuning it. But I think it's still time to present the picture to you. But let's start from the beginning.

How it all began

The story of this picture began almost exactly three years ago. It was October 2021 and, as I've reported from time to time in my posts, 2020 and 2021 weren't exactly easy for me. I had massive problems with my thyroid. Then there was the coronavirus pandemic. I was still living in beautiful Upper Bavaria at the time. But my health problems and the coronavirus measures made me feel lonely. I wanted someone by my side. In my deep need, I begged God for help. Sometimes God answers our prayers simply because we ask so urgently and not necessarily because it is according to his plan. So it was in this case. My prayer was answered. I met a young man of faith. God gave us three wonderful months with many big and small miracles. It was simply incredible how much we were blessed with beautiful experiences in nature. Here are a few impressions of an invasion weather situation and winter wonderland:

But we soon realized that we were living our faith too differently. We had to admit to ourselves that a future together didn't make sense. So we parted ways again in December 2021. That was incredibly hard for me, even though my mind knew it was for the best. But that wasn't all!
I had been seriously considering leaving Bavaria and moving back to Leipzig since the summer of 2021. The final decision to relocate was made in December. With a heavy heart, I handed in my notice to my boss. A week later, the coronavirus vaccination requirement for the healthcare professions was passed. Now I had a problem. My new boss couldn't hire me if I hadn't been vaccinated or recovered. I was neither. Vaccination was absolutely out of the question for me. I thought about what I could do for a living if I wasn't allowed to work as an occupational therapist. In my mind, I could already see myself delivering pizzas or doing some other unskilled job.

The next question was: where would I live? Without a job, I couldn't afford my own apartment. The housing market in Leipzig didn't exactly look rosy either.

As if that wasn't enough, I was worried about whether I would be able to get my car through the MOT again. A new car would not have been financially possible.

All at once, I realized that if everything went wrong, I would suddenly lose everything. Within a month, my dream of having my own family was shattered, my apartment was terminated with no prospect of a new one, I couldn't start my new job and my car let me down. Then there were the health problems, which manifested themselves in an absolute lack of strength. I was at the end of my tether.

I couldn't see a solution to all my problems. The worst was the shattered dream of having my own family. Since my childhood, I had never wanted anything other than to be a wife and mother. But there I was, 31 years old, without a husband, without a job, without an apartment and almost without a car. My hormonal situation dramatized the situation even more.

Jim and Elisabeth Elliot

Shortly before Christmas, I visited a dear and deeply religious friend in Munich. She recommended that I read a book, „Sacred Singleness“, by Leslie Ludy. I told her that I already knew all the principles about relationships. In my early twenties, I had read many books on the subject, so I knew all about it - at least in theory.

So I went home to my parents for Christmas. I was incredibly exhausted and exhausted. I spent many hours just lying on the bed or the sofa because I wasn't able to do much else.

In my devotional times, however, a thought kept coming to my mind: Order that book your friend told you about! I couldn't let go of this thought. I finally bought a second-hand version of the book on the Internet. Back in Bavaria, I started reading it in the new year. It grabbed me! Yes, the principles weren't new to me, but I only knew them in theory. The thing that appealed to me the most was the story of Elisabeth and Jim Elliot.

Both had chosen a life of absolute devotion to God. They also wanted to let God take the lead when it came to finding the right life partner. When the two met, they felt attracted to each other. However, Jim revealed to Elizabeth that although he had feelings for her, he had given them over to God. They both decided to pray for God's guidance. They prayed that if God wanted them together, He would guide them accordingly. How long do you think they prayed for each other?

They prayed for five years! Only after five years were all the doors open for a wedding and a joint missionary service.

How long do you think they were married for? Jim and Elisabeth were married in October 1953. On January 8, 1956, Jim and other missionaries were murdered by Huaorani Indians in Ecuador. Elisabeth stayed behind with their young daughter. The marriage, for which she had prayed for five years, ended after less than two and a half years. The couple knew that the chances of them seeing each other again were not good. Nevertheless, Elisabeth let her husband go. She knew that she couldn't keep him because he didn't belong to her, but to God. She surrendered her husband and her feelings for him to her heavenly Father. This trust led her and a sister of one of the murdered missionaries to go to the people who had killed their loved ones. They forgave these people and lived among them. As a result, the entire tribe came to believe.

Giving up everything to win everything

This story struck me to my core. At first, I found it hard to understand why they waited five years to get married. Instead of two and a half years of marriage, they could easily have had seven. But they both put serving God first. God led them both to different places where they could serve him. It was only five years later that they ended up working as missionaries in the same country.

A quote from Jim Elliot stuck in my mind. It was to turn my life upside down and become my new motto. Jim Elliot's motto was this:

„He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose.“

In German: „You are not a fool if you give what you cannot keep in order to gain what you cannot lose.“

You have to think about this sentence for a while, but it makes sense! If you think about it more carefully, we can't keep anything in this life. The money we have saved up can be gone faster than you think from one day to the next. My car can be wrecked in an instant due to an accident. I can lose my job or my home very quickly. Death can suddenly take away our loved ones. I can also lose my health very quickly.

No matter how hard you try, you can't keep these things. And yet we cling to them so desperately. For years, I believed that I could only be truly happy if I had a partner. The hope of having my own family was what I clung to. The thought of living as a single person was unimaginable for me. But as I read the book, it dawned on me that God was asking me to lay this dream on his altar. This thought shocked me to the core. I can hardly put it into words. It felt like I was standing on a precipice. It was so deep and dark that you couldn't see the end. If you jumped, it would mean certain death. That's exactly what it felt like for me when God gently asked me to let go of my dream of marriage and family and surrender to Him. I thought it would tear my soul apart. Days of spiritual battles began. It felt like I would die if I let go of this desire. But on the other hand, I longed for peace and quiet. I couldn't achieve this as long as I was chasing this desire, because I realized that this unfulfilled desire was eating me up inside.

This sentence by Jim Elliot kept coming back to my mind. I can't force the man of my dreams to come into my life. There's no point chasing after it if it's not God's plan for me. I could cling to it desperately, but I knew that sooner or later it would break me. So why not give what you can't keep anyway?

After many struggles and prayers in tears, victory came! I gave God my deepest desire for a family of my own, to be loved and protected by a man. I decided to jump into the dark abyss. I didn't know what would happen to me. It really felt like I was going to die. It was intense mental pain. I couldn't see the bottom of the abyss. But I firmly believed in a loving God who would catch me before I hit the deadly ground. And he did!

After I had said my prayer, a deep peace returned to my heart. I knew that God was carrying me. Not only did I let go of my desire for a partner and a family, but I also gave God my work and living situation as well as my car. You often hear that if you give God your desire for a partner, God will send the right one your way shortly afterwards. That wasn't the case for me. Now it's been almost three years and I'm still single - but happy! Since that prayer in January 2022, I can look to the future with confidence. I never wanted to make big plans for the future because I always expected my dream man to come around the corner at any time. I was prepared to drop everything for him. But now I could imagine a single future - a future with a fulfilling life. That was unimaginable before.

New beginning

In the days that followed my prayer of surrender, my problems began to disappear. I received two medical certificates stating that I didn't need to be vaccinated against coronavirus. So I was able to start my new job in Leipzig. My car was made roadworthy again by a good friend and got its MOT. The housing problem was also solved when I decided to move back in with my parents temporarily. That was a difficult step for me because it felt like a failure to move back in with my parents at the age of 31. But in prayer, God kept putting this thought on my heart until I finally gave up my pride and agreed to the idea. So I gave up my apartment in Bavaria.

In a sense, I really gave up everything that was important to me before when I moved. I moved from a spacious 2-room apartment back into my children's room.

Moving to Leipzig marked the beginning of a new phase in my life. When I look back on the last two and a half years, I can say without exaggeration that they were the happiest years of my life. They were not easy. Shortly after my return to my old home, I got the call to work as a Bible worker in a mini-job. This solved my financial problems and was an answer to a prayer that I had been praying for a long time, namely that I would be allowed to serve God. But this work is more challenging than I had ever imagined. I have already reached the limits of my strength several times.

But the blessing that I myself receive from this work cannot be outweighed by anything in this world. No man, no money, no house, no car in this world can offer the fulfillment that those who work for the salvation of people receive. Especially studying the Bible together with people who want to get to know God is the greatest blessing for me. Through studying the Bible, I have come to know God in a whole new way and fallen in love with Him. At the same time, I see how he changes and liberates people. There really is nothing that can bring more happiness and joy. If I were married and had a family of my own, I wouldn't be able to do the ministry I'm allowed to do right now.

Three years ago, I only saw a dark, unfathomable abyss in front of me. Now I see light, joy and the wonderful character of a brilliant God.

Especially in the last weeks and months, God has helped me to give up habits that have held me captive for a long time. I no longer need these things to fill a hole inside me because I have found something much better.

Yes, I still want a strong man by my side with whom I can serve God together. I continue to pray for this. Because I can see that the work of God urgently needs real men. But I know that my loving Father has everything in his hands. He will guide his church and me safely. I no longer need a man to be happy or complete. I have Jesus. And he will take care of the rest.

It really is true that we should put the kingdom of God first and God will add everything else.

So why do we cling so tightly to what we can't keep anyway, when there is something to gain that we can never lose?

The picture

I have tried to pack all this into this picture. The picture reflects my dreams and wishes. You can see various things and symbols nailed to the cross. At the top

 is the ego, which always wants to determine everything itself and does not like to submit to God. It has to die first. Then all the other things are there, like money, love, house, car, even my dream of sailing. You can also see a few things that I've been fighting against for a while. The woman in the picture is putting a movie tape on the cross. I was a movie addict for many years. When I started painting the picture, I was still struggling with it. But in the meantime, God has given me a great victory. It's exactly the same with music. I no longer need these things to fill an inner emptiness within me.

There is a sack at the foot of the cross. There are two other objects in it. One is a clock. It stands for the time. This is another area that I would like to control myself. Because I often get annoyed when God leads my day differently than I had planned. You can also see a chocolate. I've been a chocolate junkie since I was a child. This too has not yet been completely overcome and needs further healing in my heart. But God will lead me there too.

I bring all these things before the cross again and again and hand them over to God. He gets to decide who owns my heart and my feelings. He owns my money, my apartment, my car, my time and my free time. Sometimes it is difficult to let go of these things when God's will contradicts mine. But when I struggle again, I think of Elisabeth and Jim Elliot, who gave everything, even their great love, to win people for eternity. Elisabeth never regretted this decision. Just as I have never regretted mine.

What do you live for?

There is another quote from my favorite author, Ellen White, which has been with me for many years and whose truth I can only confirm:

„It is in a life of service only, that true happiness can be found.“
In German: „Only in a life of service can true happiness be found.“

That is so true! Those who live for themselves and their desires will always remain unhappy. Because there is a little monster inside us that will never be satisfied, no matter how much you feed it.

But if we trust God and put serving him first in our lives, then everything else will take care of itself. We should never forget whom we serve! It is a God for whom nothing is impossible. He has created all the power and all the resources of the universe. These are inexhaustible. But this God is not only omnipotent, he is also infinite love. He loves you so much that he gave up everything for you and let go. God also wanted to gain what he cannot lose. YOU are what God wants to gain. That is why he went to the cross. Heaven, the adoration and love of the angels, the dominion over the entire universe were worth nothing to him if YOU were not at his side in eternity! Jesus would rather have given up all that than lose you.

My wish and prayer is that you and I can understand and accept this love even more deeply. It takes a lot of trust to let go of your own desires and let God take care of them. But God knows that we find it difficult to trust him. He knows exactly that we want to keep control of our own lives. That is why he patiently guides us step by step and helps us to practise trust. Our part is to always put God first in everything - be it time, money, matters of the heart, work or hobbies. Every day, every hour, every minute, we must renew this decision.

Don't give up if you are not yet so successful in trusting God's guidance and letting go of your own plans. If you keep at it, you will see more and more small progress. Many small advances will then turn into bigger victories. That is my experience and I hope, dear reader, that it is or will be yours too!

What things do you still need to nail to the cross? What would your picture look like?

God bless you on your path of absolute devotion!

If you would like to have my picture, then look in the Online store over or contact me!